I thought the London game was top-five most bizarre in NFL history, but had to demote it to six after Giants-Redskins. People are focusing on Nick Siriani’s decision to keep the kickoff in play, but there were many small failures before that by both the Eagles (going out of bounds to stop the clock before the would-be game-winning FGA) and the Jaguars (Liam Coen not calling a TO for 20 seconds after the Eagles were in range, then finally doing it, and this after inexplicably stupid calls on prior drives from 1st-and-goal at the one.) It was kind of amazing the Jaguars won a game where they were trailing, and the other team kicking off, with eight seconds left. And how their backup long snapper, no matter how many times he practiced on the sideline simply could not snap the fucking ball accurately — even the game-winning kick snap was high. I had the Jaguars in my lone remaining, low-stakes Survivor pool, and I had bought shares of the Giants and Redskins to win the NFC East on Kalshi, so I was sweating it.
The Giants-Redskins endgame has been covered elsewhere, but it was funny because (as you all know) the number of timeouts remaining is indicated on the broadcast by small white blocks next to each team’s abbreviation and point total. They start with three white blocks, and as they use the timeouts, the blocks disappear, leaving empty black spaces. Both teams had zero white blocks (only dark empty spaces), and as the Redskins were running the play, it was so strange what they were doing I wondered to myself, “Did the broadcast change to black blocks to indicate timeouts?” When reality doesn’t match your assumptions, it’s natural to question them, but apparently, no, it was still the white blocks, and the Redskins just ran that play with no timeouts like the realest team ever.
I went 1-3-1 in Circa, and it hurt. The Dolphins, on the verge of an epic backdoor cover, missed the PAT to push! FFS! The Chargers (I know, I know), were up 17-10 in the fourth, getting 3.5, and they would have covered anyway as Denver ran out the clock, but a false start on the Broncos pushed them back just far enough that they didn’t seal it with a final first down. The Broncos tried to draw the Chargers offsides on 4th-and-2, failed and kicked the chip-shot to go up six. Just fucking jump offsides! My only good pick was the Packers, and that encapsulates the perfect ATS team — expected to be good, looking bad, needing the win, playing at home against a rival with a backup QB that’s probably overrated.
The Eagles losing another soul crusher has to doom them for the year, right? I ask because they are STILL 33/34 cents on Kalshi to win the division, behind only the 2-3 Cowboys (38/39) who just got worked at home by the 0-4 Bucs with their undrafted free-agent rookie QB. The Eagles also had their Hall of Fame tackle abruptly retire, traded their starting center, are missing their starting, backup and third string backs and their top receiver. And yet they are still only 2:1 to win the division!
The Eagles offense has long been unwatchable, but the Jaguars are almost as painful. Parker Washington saved them with a highlight reel catch on fourth down. Brian Thomas is the AFC’s Marvin Harrison, and now that Harrison is in the AFC, the Jaguars have demoted him below sixth-round rookie Josh Cameron.
The Packers have apparently realized you can just throw bombs to your blazing fast high pedigree wideouts. Who knew?
The Bears offense apparently misses Kyle Monangai more than Caleb Williams.
David Montgomery got hurt, but Woody Marks was a little disappointing in a game the Texans won 26-3. They’re a weird team that just got weirder with the Harrison trade.
The Titans serve no purpose except for that Dike. He brightens my Mondays as I write this article.
It brings me joy to see Samaje Perine outproduce Chase Brown. I faded Brown at cost, and while I’m still largely drawing dead, and it makes no difference, schadenfreude is all I have left.
Joe Burrow had a soft four-TD game — only 190 yards, and aside from the jump ball to Ja’Marr Chase, no big plays.
Ollie Gordon was worth every cent, but Malik Willis does not check down. De’Von Achane almost certainly would’ve been a bust at cost even had he stayed healthy.
Brock Bowers is earning his keep despite missing the first two games. I bet NO on him being the top TE once he was hurt, but he’s running down Trey McBride right now, and Isaiah Likely might have tweaked something in overtime.
Ashton Jeanty is getting further down the Trent Richardson career path than he’d like.
Drake Maye put up 374 yards and four TDs (plus 25 rushing and a rushing TD) without A.J. Brown and his starting left tackle. If the Bills (three-point dogs) lose to the Rams tonight the Pats are in first place.
When I saw a Pats RB fumble, I assumed it was Rhamondre Stevenson, but it was actually Corey Kiner. Now that TreVeyon Henderson is hurt, Stevenson should have a large share in what looks like an offense that’s back on track.
I drafted Aaron Jones about two rounds after ADP in one league just because he fell and immediately regretted it. What possible upside does a 31-year old running back have? Apparently plenty. Sometimes the market knows better than you do.
I had left Kyler Murray for dead, but I did the same with Jared Goff, Baker Mayfield and Sam Darnold, and those corpses reanimated in more favorable circumstances. Why not Murray?
Everyone was excited about the Saints when they played the Lions tough in Detroit, then beat the Ravens in Baltimore, but they’ve lost three in a row and are now tied with the Bucs for last place.
The Jets fumbled away the game, but the Browns fumbled it right back.
A couple commenters suggested I use the Steelers with 10 days rest and the Colts coming off the London game in Circa. They were correct.
The Colts are like the Eagles — unwatchable.
Jaylen Warren is channeling peak Christian McCaffrey.
With Roman Wilson and Michael Pittman out, Germie Bernard went 9-6-80-0, notable especially because Aaron Rodgers rarely trusts rookies.
I complained about Jameis Winston’s play in the first half after he lost a fumble, but he was legitimately great in the second.
As much as people are harping on the Redskins’ clock mismanagement, the Giants had that game won but for the Cam Skattebo fumble, and keep in mind they missed a field goal on the opening drive of overtime too.
Malik Nabers (20-11-121-1) is coming off an ACL tear, playing with a bad shoulder and a backup QB, but just looks faster and more physical than anyone who’s guarding him.
Isaiah Likely (13-11-94-2) is firmly established as a top-three TE now. As I mentioned it seemed like he got banged up in overtime, but there was no official announcement about it.
The Broncos are the AFC’s Eagles. Unwatchable.
Kimani Vidal is the Chargers best back. Tre’ Harris getting hurt while being the only option left is retarded, as is Ladd McClunkey suiting up and not playing. What a farce.
The game I was most wrong about was Lions-Cardinals. The Lions annihilated them, though ARSB was relatively quiet for the third straight game. Jahmyr Gibbs (25-151-2, 6-5-69-0) was not.
At least I started Jacoby Brissett over Justin Herbert in the Primetime. I drafted Herbert in the 10th and Brissett in the 20th. Not that Brissett wasn’t terrible in real life.
Maybe Marvin Harrison was a world-class decoy. Like Harrison, it seems Jeremiyah Love got drafted by the wrong team. You only go all-in for the back when you’re contending, and no team was less likely to win its division (given the other teams in it) than the Cardinals this year.
I went to bed before the end of 49ers-Seahawks. You’d think I’d have wanted to stay up for it, but it just seemed like too much fumble randomness, and I chose to find out in the morning.
Sam Darnold looked bad, taking too many sacks and throwing picks. JSN hurt his ankle but returned to the game and looked as quick and smooth as ever on his 38-yard TD catch. But besides JSN the Seahawks offense is also unwatchable.
Mike Evans is neither injured nor over the hill. Christian McCaffrey ran hard, especially on the TD run, but the volume continues to be modest compared to his historical workloads. I suppose that’s a good thing, given the 49ers are 5-0 and having beaten the Rams and Seahawks already.
The quarterback Michael Penix most reminds me of is ironically peak Tua. He’s a smallish lefty that zips the ball around nicely when he has time, but under pressure he’s fragile and frazzled. And apparently — the edited broadcast didn’t pick this up — he got hurt at the end of the game, and Tua Vagovailoa fittingly threw the game-ending pick!
Mark Andrews had a bad game — he lost a fumble that was returned for a TD early and didn’t come down with a couple balls on key downs. I guess the Ravens paid him and trust him, but he seems like a weak link, and it looks even worse given what Likely is doing for the Giants.
Tua Vagovailoa made me spit my drink out.